Almost Outloud

I nearly said it last night.
You didn’t notice.
Probably better that way.

You were talking with your eyes half closed,
Something stupid ’bout a show you hate.
I wasn’t listening anymore,
I was watching how your mouth makes shapes.
And somewhere between two and three,
You moved a little closer to me.
I had four words sitting on my tongue—
Then you smiled.
And I swallowed every one.

I’m good at almost,
Good at maybe,
Good at “come here”
Instead of “save me.”
Good at kissing
When words get hard—
But you keep getting
Past my guard.

I’m almost out loud,
Almost saying what I’m thinking.
Almost too far now
To pretend this isn’t different.
Every time you pull me close,
There’s a truth I nearly let you know.
It gets right here—
Then I shut my mouth.
But I’m getting dangerously,
Terrifyingly,
Beautifully—
Almost out loud.

Almost…
Almost…
Don’t look at me like that.

You’ve got things here you didn’t bring,
A charger, shirt, your favourite drink.
And I’ve stopped asking when you’ll leave,
You stopped pretending it’s just sleep.
My friends don’t even ask your name,
They say “you two” like that’s okay.
I roll my eyes and change the subject—
Then secretly
I kinda love it.

I’m good at playful,
Good at teasing,
Good at giving you
Just enough reason.
Good at touching
Instead of trust—
But lately almost
Isn’t enough.

I’m almost out loud,
Almost saying what I’m thinking.
Almost too far now
To pretend this isn’t different.
Every time you pull me close,
There’s a truth I nearly let you know.
It gets right here—
Then I shut my mouth.
But I’m getting dangerously,
Terrifyingly,
Beautifully—
Almost out loud.

Maybe you already know.
Maybe that’s why you never ask.
Maybe you’re waiting for me
To finally stop hiding behind—
“Whatever.”
“Don’t make it weird.”
“We’re having fun.”
God, I’m such a liar.

So if I said
I sleep better when you’re here…
If I said
Leaving you is getting weird…
If I said
Nobody’s ever made me this afraid
Of something I don’t wanna lose—
Would you say it too?

‘Cause I can feel it coming,
And I can’t hold it down.
I think I’m finally—

Saying everything I’m thinking.
No way back now,
And my whole body’s shaking.
I don’t care who says it first,
I don’t care if this gets hurt.
I’ve spent too long
Trying not to fall—
And I—

I THINK I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU—

…there.
I said it.

So much for almost,
So much for maybe.
Come a little closer,
You don’t have to save me.
Just don’t let go
Now that you know.
I was almost out loud…
Now I’m yours.

You gonna say something?

…seriously?